It's the weekend again and it's time to prep you for an all-too-common-but-easily-avoidable situation: getting the bartender's attention in a busy nightclub. It's almost a cliche, standing in a busy bar, waiting for drinks, and wondering what the hell you have to do to get some service around here. The sad part is that it's actually really easy if you know what you're doing.
First and foremost, in a busy bar, belly up to the bar. I mean it. If your belly isn't touching the bar, if you're standing behind people at the bar, don't be surprised if you're waiting 20 minutes for a drink. Every night some joker waves his hands like he's drowning and tries to order from 5 feet away from the bar. And once a night I actually serve him and immediately remember why it's a bad idea. First of all, the volume of a busy bar precludes anyone from hearing what sweet nothings are being whispered from 5 feet away. And more importantly, once I finally understand the drink order, make the drinks, and set them on the bar, I spend twice as long trying to get this yokel's attention so he can pay for the drinks - apparently the blonde he's failing to impress with his extensive knowledge of bottled water is losing interest and he's too busy spitting pathetic game to pay for his drinks. And even though I know he's waited precious minutes for me to get his drinks, making me wait is the kiss of death. If I have to wait for you, that means everyone behind you has to wait for you. And time, for a bartender, truly, is money. I make $$$ based directly on how many people I serve in a night - and if someone drags that process to a screeching halt, they'll be waiting much longer the rest of the night.
The ideal guest - the one bartenders love and will skip other people to serve time and again - is the one who quietly approaches the bar, money in hand, calmly waits their turn, and knows what drinks they want to order. It's that simple.
Let's hammer home some of these points because they are truly invaluable when it comes to getting good service.
Do's:
Approach the bar with $$ in hand and place your paw on the bar. Busy bartenders may avoid eye contact because people presume it means they're next in line, but we always notice money on the bar. If you're hand is attached to that money, I'm coming your way next.
Tip well early. Such a simple concept - GUARANTEED to work 99% of the time, but so rarely employed. Here's how it works: tip $10 on your first drink. Sound foolish? Try it and let me know what happened. We're legalized drug dealers - we're not above being bought. In fact we prefer it. Someone who tips $5-10 on their first round tells me they "get it." The next time they approach the bar, I'm going to skip 5 people to get their drink first. And I'm more likely to overpour them and probably send some shots their way. I know our culture dictates that you tip your server 15-20% AFTER your meal is over but imagine what would happen if you tipped 30% BEFORE you were served. You'd get hooked up, that's what. Whether that means free product, phenomenal service, or directions to the after party - depends on the bar. But unless the bartender is a total noob, I guarantee special treatment. And special treatment is currency that goes a long way in a nightclub...
Decide what drinks you want before you approach the bar. Ten times a night I approach someone with a smile and a "What'll you have?" and they immediately turn around to poll the group on what they want. They turn around. I move on.
Dont's:
Shout out your order when not asked for it. I'm busy trying to remember the 5 drinks ordered from the morally casual blonde in front of you and shouting out your drinks only screws up my drug-addled brain. How would you like it if people ran past your cubicle while you were typing and shouted non sequiturs at you?
Wave your hands in the air. Trust me, we see you. Waving only makes you look desperate. And desperation is not a good cologne to wear in a bar.
Whistle or yell. I know bartenders who've cut people off, not because they were drunk, but because they kept whistling all night. Save the whistling for the women who won't go home with you.
One-at-a-time me. Any decent bartender can remember 6-10 drinks at a time. Ordering them one at a time turns a 2 minute process into 10. And that costs me $$, not to mention annoys the 5 people next to you ready to order.
All in all, it's not rocket science. It's about speed and money. Be quick, tip well, and you can bet I'll see you at the after party.